if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
