ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
