So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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