i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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