My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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