Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I did not marry a roomba.
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