I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
