Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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