Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
