So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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