if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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