I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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