Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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