Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
did i walk over a car last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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