He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm bleeding and have questions
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
