My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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