I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
