The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
