Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
