im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I forget how to act sober
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
