I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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