He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so let's talk penis.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
