My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
