I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
