i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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