I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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