we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
