It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
