my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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