Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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