my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We are all done wearing pants today
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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