Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
