You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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