Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
