I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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