i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
