Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
