i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
