Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
