the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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