i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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