If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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