Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
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