Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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