I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
