She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
