Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
