i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
