dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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