People in love make me want to vomit
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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